Bully mom or honest mom?

Recently I was talking to my neighbor about school. She was telling me her 10 year old son has no interest in reading. She said his reading level was extremely low for his age. I asked if they had used any leverage on him. Every child has an Achilles heel and sometimes it can be used for leverage to motivate a child. She went on to tell me they tried everything. Tutors, taking games away, prizes and the list goes on. 

I told her that I was sorry I couldn't help her whether to give some advice or encouragement. However I did tell her to not give up on him and that one day he will get it. 

She said, "oh I know. I'm completely honest with my kids. I tell them the truth. I told him straight up to his face that he was stupid. Kids are mean and I would much rather him hear from me what they will say; which they already do."  Well no wonder your son has NO desire to learn. 

Do you hear yourself lady?  You're not being honest, you're being a bully to your son.  If kids already call him stupid and dumb, why are you?  No, you are no speaking truth. It says in the bible we are to speak the truth in love. How is telling your child he's stupid, loving?  Love should be edifying, exhorting and encouraging.  There's a line between truth telling and being mean. I'm sorry, but if my mom had told me I was stupid, there would be no desire to try anymore. What would be the point?  Sometimes, us as parents, need to draw a line in the sand when it comes to our children. 

I know I have failed miserably at times when trying to encourage my kids at stuff. Wes and I promised each other to always be honest with our kids, even when they ask a bazillion questions!  And they do, so pray for me. Their questions can be mind numbing at times. (You think I'm joking?  I'm not). But I would never put my child down for the sake of "truth telling". This world is a cruel place. Our home should be our sanctuary for our kids. This should be the place they are accepted, loved, encouraged to do better, and celebrated. The people closest to our children are their greatest influence in life. And that influence can be good or bad. 

Im thinking of writing her a letter (in love) to tell her what she is saying can be damaging to her child. What do you think?  What would you do?  Please share!