If you have more than one child most of the time, you have THAT one child. In some cases, your only child is THAT child! Yes, I’m talking about that strong willed, determined little person. That one that you pray for continuously. That one that is generally most like you. That same one that creates opportunity for you to walk in peace and patience. Right? I have such a child.
And while I have a lot of respect and admiration for her “I will conquer this mountain” attitude, it seriously frustrates and challenges the life out of me. Because at her precious age of 5, I’m 95% of the time her “mountain”! Oh the joys! And yes, there are times I fear the decisions I make regarding how to raise this child, but I cling more to the fact that God created her like this. He knew she needed me, and her dad, to raise her and guide her into adulthood. And that is as far as this “parenting mobile” will go. Don’t get me wrong, I will always be there for her, but she will have to stand on her own two feet and make her own decisions. That’s why it is hard now. I have no idea where she will be in 12 years. As a mom, I want to do everything I can to raise healthy adults, starting now.
With that being said, let me tell you how my day went yesterday. So I homeschool, which I love. I love this extra time with my kids. Not always easy, but I consider it a blessing to have them home. While I was doing school with her older brother, I gave the ten-minute warning that her turn was coming up. “sure mom, sounds good.” Ten minutes go by and in the most cheerful voice you can image, “ok honey, it’s time to start your school.” “Ugh, I hate reading. I don’t want to do school. I want to play. I don’t like it.” *Whine whine whine. So I said, “sit here for a second while I go change out the clothes.” In the utility room I was literally crying out to God, “oh please give me wisdom. I can’t make her do it but how do I get through to her? This attitude drives me crazy.” *whine whine whine!
So I came back to the table and this is pretty much what the conversation looked like:
ME: you ready to do some reading? You’re almost done with the book.
LINA: Oh I don’t want to. I want to play.
ME: well, you know if you were in school you wouldn’t get the option to play right now? You wouldn’t be able to get water when you wanted it or use the restroom right away. Do I let you play when you are done with school?
LINA: yes, but I want to right now.
ME: so here’s what I’m going to tell you. You will do reading today. I would prefer you having a better attitude but that is your choice. Are you ready to change your attitude and read?
LINA: *whine. I don’t know.
ME: This is what I’m going to do. Because you want to play, you will not play until reading is done. I’m setting the timer and you will sit at this table, even if it takes all day. When the timer goes off, I will come back and we can talk about it.
So I set the timer for 5 minutes while she sat at the table. Once the timer went off I came back and asked if she was ready to have a good attitude. So she whined a little more and said she didn’t want to do it. At this point I’m thinking-was this a good idea? Should I have just spanked her and got it over with? But I stuck with it. (good thing she has a strong willed momma!)
ME: Lina, I’m going to set the timer again and we will talk about this after it goes off. Just so we are clear, what are your options again?
LINA: I can read now with a good attitude or sit here until I change my attitude and still read.
ME: right! (she’s getting it I thought). You still will have to read, but I want you to do it with a good attitude. I’m setting the timer, I’ll be back
I set the timer for only 3 minutes this time, went to my bathroom and took a deep breath. Let me just say, I was prepared to go all day if I had to. If that meant she changed her attitude at 9:00 at night, so be it. But I felt confident in my approach. I was taking away the very thing she wanted-play. I kept her at the table where she could see everyone playing. I also explained to her that she could have read the story twice if she had a better attitude and could be playing right now. Oh, there’s the timer again. Deep breath, now let it out.
ME: did you make a decision?
Flipped switch!
LINA: I’m ready to read mom. I can’t wait to read this story. Wonder what is going to happen?
Praise ye the Lord, hallelujah. I gave her the option to make her own choice. Yea, I know she’s five, but if I’m training them for adulthood, this is where it begins. Not when they are 13 and have had all their decisions made for them from the beginning. But I did make plain the consequences for the wrong choice. God does the same for us. Even baby Christians have an innate conscience of right and wrong. Yet, still have to make choices with repercussions to the wrong ones. If my heavenly father parents this way, should we not?
Anyways, that was my experience yesterday with my girl. I’ll have to write a post one day to elaborate more of this firefly. Believe me when I say, there is more to her than meets the eye.
